Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
