Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
