I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
