Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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