this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize