The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
