I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
