We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
