Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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