Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
