i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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