Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
