Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
