Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
