I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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