I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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