you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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