If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize