I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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