I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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