12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
