You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
