Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
