You work out of a Hotel?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
