You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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