I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
