My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So gin and wine won't be happening again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
