i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
