My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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