Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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