i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize