I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
