if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
