It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
