morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
