It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
