Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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