She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
