some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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