I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
