I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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