Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My bed smells like the plague
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
how does that bad decision feel?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
