What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
