i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
