Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
