Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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