You can't special order awesome
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
