Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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