I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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