Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
