who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
