Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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