census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
