she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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