I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
