you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
