it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
