So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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