You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
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We just shotgunned beers for America
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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