So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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