the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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