does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
