So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
