So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
